If Rappers Made TV Shows

Rappers headlining their own TV Shows is becoming far more common recently, Action Bronson is devouring food around the world with Fuck, That’s Delicious, a mischievous Tyler, The Creator is discovering how his favourite things work in Nuts + Bolts and VICELAND prove that they fuck with Kevin Abstract with American Boyband. After noticing this trend, the UTM writers decided to pitch a few TV shows starring our favourite rappers – take note Netflix.

Brockhampton as a Coming of Age Drama

Teen Dramas already have mad rap credentials, especially given Death Grips’ ‘I’ve Seen Footage’ once soundtracked a cupcake sale in Waterloo Road. Brockhampton have the same legitimacy as a coming of age drama as their lyrical content already tells stories that show obvious parallels.

Ameer Vann’s hedonistic yet destructive drug fuelled lifestyle, Merlyn Wood’s dissatisfaction with the education system, Joba‘s pop star idolisation and every members confrontations of youth anxiety and depression are all lyrical subjects that could be easily transferred into the melodramatic storylines that define these shows. In fact, Kevin Abstract’s ‘Empty’ video already serves as a pilot for this show, as it chronicles carefree summer romance between two young men in American Suburbia, with hints of drama to come from the discovery of this relationship. Brockhampton continue to be a direct voice for a youth and that could be even more effective onscreen.

Lil Uzi Vert Vs. The World: The Animated Series

There are very few rappers of stature that can flex the same anime credentials as Lil Uzi Vert. Whilst ‘XO Tour Llif3′ was rocketing to the top of the Billboard Hot 100 in the United States, his Twitter icon was a close-up picture of Pain from Naruto – wholesome proof that not everybody with an anime avatar is a basement dwellin’, alt-right lovin’ cretin. He’s been snapped wearing Fairy Tail tees onstage and the video for ‘Ps + Qs’ incorporates a ton of conventional anime tropes – albeit rather crudely. If any rapper popping off right now is gonna get their own animated series, it’s gotta be Uzi.

Tying in the loose narrative told by his record covers, it’s easy to envision a high octane shonen battle anime like the shows Uzi adores in which which he has to fight his way through countless foes on a quest to save his girl from whatever notorious endgame villain he could dream up. But what typically makes shonen anime appealing to their respective fanbases – besides those adrenaline-fuelled, totally OTT fight scenes – is the directness in which they approach the complexity of human emotions, and to that extent it’s not too dissimilar from the core aspects of an Uzi song. He’s overpowered when it comes to putting out bangers, but he also shows no hesitation when it comes to making his own vulnerabilities and troubles clear for the world to see – and if that isn’t the makings of a true shonen protagonist right there, we’ll be damned. Considering this is a hypothetical pitch, we’ll keep the contents of the Uzi anime relatively spoiler-free… but just know that the final Brittany arc’s gotta make the list of top 10 anime betrayals for sure.

Post Malone’s Carpool Karaoke

Fundamentally, Carpool Karaoke is a stellar television idea. It taps into the ongoing fascination millennials have with watching other people do recreational activities whilst simultaneously deconstructing the cult of celebrity, establishing an intimate scenario where their icons are portrayed as ‘regular people’. But what if there was an iteration of Carpool Karaoke that doesn’t coerce its guests into the routine under the flimsy pretense that they’re helping some dude get to work? Where the host isn’t a unfunny British guy pandering to an American late night audience who – oh, I don’t know – doesn’t make jokes at the expense of sexual harassment victims?

Post Malone has a pretty solid reputation for being a fun, personable kind of guy. He also has some expensive cars, a diverse group of pals and musical influences and – most importantly – a penchant for karaoke. If there’s gonna be a Carpool Karaoke derivative that drops the phoney bullshit and ups the debauchery, Post seems like the prime candidate to make it work. Doesn’t an IRL rockstar getting the members of Biohazard into a Bentley to wail along to their discography and shoot the shit sound so much more exciting than some doughy wannabe trying to impress Adele with an X Factor audition style rendition of ‘Hello’? We thought so.

DOOM’s Saturday Morning Cartoon

It makes a lot of sense to give this guy his own show, doesn’t it? His name is an homage to Marvel’s Doctor Doom, he wears a Doom mask, his name is fucking DOOM, for Christ’s sake. Where the love for cartoons really shines through is on his fifth studio album, MM.. Food.

The amount of old school Spiderman and Fantastic Four samples that litter MM.. Food is astronomical, and they undoubtedly hold the album together as a nostalgic Saturday-morning-watching-cartoons-eating-cereal-in-your-PJs affair.

He clearly loves those old school cartoons, so why not give him his own? It could follow the day-to-day life of DOOM – avoiding everyone, sending impostors to do his weekly Lidl shop, not releasing a proper album… All of which would be very interesting, if he can keep skrrt skrrting around that inevitable copyright claim.

(It’s not going to happen, is it? ☹)

EL-P Investiagates

EL-P’s innocent discovery that people remember the spelling of Berenstain Bears very differently ultimately birthed another Mandela effect-esque conspiracy that this subtle difference is evidence that parallel universe exist (who wants in on the Berenstein universe right now?). EL-P clearly has a talent in unearthing unsettling truths, so we propose giving him a budget and camera to bring these truth of these conspiracies to light. He could also really do with a new venture outside of Run The Jewels, given that his sparring partner, Killer Mike, is busy working within political circles.

The show already has a wealth of built-in guest stars to keep ratings high. The squad of UTM favourites Ghost Adventures could bring EL along to the Ancient Ram Inn to visit spirits that haunt us. A worldwide road trip with B.o.B to finally conclude the flat earth debate is essential. While Tom DeLonge could accompany him to Roswell to prove the existence of space invaders.

There’s a wealth of unanswered questions out there, and EL-P is the man to give us the answers.

Nathan Butler, Connor Cass & Joshua Pauley

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