At UTM, we’re constantly telling you that rappers are hilarious, we’ve had a discussion about it, provided clips as evidence and, of course, compiled RiFF RAFF list. However, this time round we felt it’s important to highlight the verses that always have us spitting out our cereal. Whether it’s cause they’re dumb or witty, here’s ten of the funniest verses we could find.
Chance The Rapper’s Verse On Action Bronson’s ‘Baby Blue’
It’s odd to see the usually happy go lucky Chance The Rapper (also the current features king) acting so bitterly, but Chance isn’t beefing an unidentified target with the typical violence imagery and curse words. He instead wishes major annoyances on his enemy.
Prefacing nearly all lines with “I hope”, the absurdity of wanting these situations to happen to a person only adds to the hilarity, as he cruelly wishes for “every soda you drink already shaken up,” “the zipper on your jacket get stuck” and “you win the lottery and lose your ticket.”
Lady Leshurr Verses On Queen’s Speech 4
In the fourth instalment of the Queen’s Speech series, Lady Leshurr displays an unreal amount of imagination blending relevant everyday happenings into some clever metaphors. One of the standout lines is this ‘Slow Jamz’ reference: “I’ve got a dark skin friend that looks like Rachel Dolezal. And I’ve got a light skin friend that looks like Rachel Dolezal.” In short she’s hilarious, and the queen herself recognises this saying “It’s just banter. I’m way too much like a black cab”. Who are we to disagree?
Hannibal Burress’ Verse On Open Mike Eagle’s ‘Doug Stamper (Advice Raps)’
Obviously this is a funny verse because it’s delivered by a comedian – Hannibal Buress – whose penchant for making the mundane hysterical in stand up seamlessly translates into a rap verse.
Hannibal gives general advice, telling whoever’s listening to maintain personal hygiene and use free porn sites instead of paying for memberships. After calling a Honda Civic a “girl’s car,” the beat drops and Hannibal launches into a backtracking monologue, stating that “if you can only afford one of those cars cuz those are compact cars, then get that, don’t let me… judge your life. But that other stuff: I mean that other stuff.”
Only someone like Hannibal could come up with some shit like this, but more importantly, it wouldn’t work without his drawling, pensive voice adding that extra humdrum dimension that makes this anti-rap so funny.
Jasper’s Second Verse On Tyler, the Creator’s ‘Bitch Suck Dick’
“I’m icy bitch / don’t look at my wrist because if you do / I might blind you bitch Mount Everest ain’t fuckin’ with my fuckin’ wrist Fuck global warming / this the Ice Age bitch” It’s Odd Future, so it’s going to be ridiculous, and it’s actually a verse from Jasper, maybe the least skilled but most entertaining member of OF.
In an already wildly over the top track – the title alone speaks volumes on this part – Jasper’s verse on ice is exactly what you’d expect from the loveable idiot. Listing off ice, the effects of ice, and a mountain with ice, the last line could be and probably is some shit Trump has said, if it weren’t for the #SwAg closing. Not one for being massively involved, this little input from Jasper is just a funny addition to a stupid track.
Sox’s Second Verse On ‘Birmingham to Ibiza’
Sox goes abroad to Ibiza in typical obnoxious brit fashion to ask the ‘sexy mamacitas’ he encounters “what’s Spanish for ‘I wanna be wi’ ya?’”. All of the latin is hilariously mispronounced in a strong brummie accent that enhances its entertainment value. The hook is as annoying as it is catchy with lines like “She likes Jalapenos on her pizza” and “I’m dyin’ to see ya, but I ain’t flyin’ to see ya”. Sox delivers one final par before parting with his summer fling, as he raps/sings “Time to go back where my family’s at/sorry baby but I have to dash/ I’d say come see me in England, but I know that you don’t have the cash.” Charming!
Bones’ Verse On ‘Perusha Kyūden (Persian Palace)’
Eresudi (Japanese for LSD) is probably the apex of hollowsquad, it’s pretty much an album made whilst under the influence of LSD (now you’re taking my language etc), foregoing philosophical introspection or imagination in favour of making the whole ‘smoking 1022718765341986912 blunts’ formula humorous.
Bones singular verse on ‘Perusha Kyūden (Persian Rugs)’ is probably the most hilarious fucking verse on the album, simply because of the imagery posed by Bones’ incidental ‘Kissing bitch’s babies on they heads like a pope’. To be honest Bones is a funny dude anyway, but the imagery generated by this verse will never fail to amuse.
Open Mike Eagle’s First Verse On Hot Sugar’s ‘Watermelon’
Hot Sugar’s music is goldmine of rap one liners, so a collaboration with Open Mike Eagle is leads to perfect hip hop hilarity, and Open Mike sure delivers. Both his verses are highly quotable but, despite the second containing the most incredible imagery of a hairstyle ever (“I’m bald on the top like Kojak/But curly on the sides like the hairs on my ball sack”), the first is relentless in its wit.
As he lays out his vision for the world, his lyrics make it both hard to disagree with him and suppress a chuckle, due to lines such as “All politicians should get replaced/So when they lie, somebody’s there to punch them in the face” (super relevant right now) and “I’ll start five free festivals/For people brave enough to show their IQ test results.”
Heems Verse On ‘Pitchfork Selector Freestyle’
Just a heads up, all three verses from this freestyle are going to be included in this list, and it’s because they are the funniest verses to ever come from Das Racist, the rap group everyone loves to call ‘joke rap’.
Heems starts the proceedings with a semi-lazy flow and delivery which comes to a head halfway through the verse where he sort of stops rapping and says “I do what I want. Eat what I want. Talk and rap how I want. I flaunt it.”
The complete lack of compliance with the form of a freestyle still gets me today, along with his finishing combo: “Catch me at the bar with like 90 girls/and 180 dudes too/Rubix Cube/eat mad food.”
KOOL A.D.’s Verse On ‘Pitchfork Selector Freestyle’
Continuing the trend of eschewing the traditional format of a freestyle, KOOL A.D. raps one line over and over until he gets bored and lets Dapwell take over. That line, immortalised in Das Racist’s ‘Michael Jackson’ goes like this: “Michael Jackson/A million dollars/you feel me?/holla.”
This is peak Das Racist; not doing what they’re supposed to do, but killing it anyway. For someone unfamiliar with KOOL A.D., it would seem on the basis of this video that he has no place freestyling, but just go watch his Dum Diary freestyle to see how proficient the man is at freestyling. He can do it, he just chose not to on this occasion. Classic smartass behaviour from DR.
Dapwell Verse On ‘Pitchfork Selector Freestyle’
This has multiple layers of irony. First off, Dapwell isn’t even a rapper. His job at Das Racist was hypeman/back-up dancer, but when Heems asks him if he’s going to rap after KOOL A.D.’s verse, Dapwell jumps straight in with no hesitation.
Secondly, he doesn’t even fucking rap. He just tells a story about pulling someone’s pants down, not wanting to go to court for it, not being a delivery man and arguing with someone trying to kick him out. All this off the top of his head, making Heems, KOOL A.D. and the host of the freestyle crack up with laughter.
“I’m 16 years old man, I’m bored” is a line (if you can call it that) that will stick with you forever, and it’s so stupid. God bless DR for dumb humour.