Rich Got Drunk and Reviewed… PC Music

Our Entertainment Editor Rich is metal as fuck. He hates metal, loves cats and gets blackout drunk on high strength Eastern European lagers. Obviously, the rise of PC Music went straight over his head.

What a lark, what a great jest the rest of us thought it would be to combine his love for getting pissed up and his obliviousness of pop culture and have him review the best PC Music has to offer.

A.G. Cook – Beautiful

Sounds kinda like Linkin Park, although I guess Linkin Park is the bubblegum pop of metal. Nice sound design too, kinda psytrancey. I feel like I’m in a really kawaii Oceana where everyone’s really nice. These lyrics are tugging at my heartstrings though… That feel when no gf to listen to the PC Music discography with ;_;

Danny L Harle- Broken Flowers

Eurgh, this wine tastes like fucking piss… Nice funky house kinda vibes going on here – I could travel back in time to some scatty warehouse rave in Leeds circa 1992 and probably get away with dropping this when everyone was too munted to know. The production’s pristine – I like this, I normally fucking hate diluted house music but this is pretty good… a bit repetitive, but I guess that’s kinda the point. Also I think these lyrics are about being on acid and in love. Banger.

Dux Content- Like You

You may like me but I don’t like your music, ergo, I do not like you and for your information, so I’m not going to fucking call you, you pleb. I only date patrician bubblegum pop artists(?). Your vocals are still really annoying. Does anyone actually unironically like this song? I can imagine a bunch of pube-bearded twats in London or wherever ‘ironically’ skanking out to this and crying inside as the blackened husk of their integrity withers.

Easyfun – Shrek 5

Just picked this ‘cause it had Shrek in the title, to be honest. It’s pretty fucking avant garde isn’t it? I like it though, reminds me of new wave a bit. Holy shit this is fucking crazy, dem polyrhythms! Oh it’s over… That was unexpectedly chaotic, 11/10 for breaking the paradigm.

Hannah Diamond – Attachment

MANS IN YOUR DREAMS ‘CAUSE HE’S SLEEPIN’ NEXT TO YA. Damn the lyrics are giving me feels again. If you can’t be in a relationship with someone, just retain a picture of them on your phone. So many heartbreaks could have been avoided with this. I like this acapella, the singer has a really nice voice. It’s always good when people have naturalistic accents, cuz if ya not chattin’ about what’s goin’ on in your ends then what ya doin’, what ya chattin’ about, innit? Dizzee’d be proud, maybe of the authenticity or maybe of the horrible top 40 song-craft. What is it with this preoccupation with love and stuff? I wanna hear some Nietzschean bubblegum pop. FUCK YOUR GOD is being in love like a God?

Life Sim – This Life

Oh dear, it’s a really bad ‘90s trance song. Yup. Oh no. Please no, oh here we go with the fucking helium vocals, oww my head. Please no, I’ll pay you, oh God my head hurts, these synth pads are nice though. I literally can’t imagine anyone moving to this song, there’s a rhythm but there’s no groove or discernible direction, it’s like twee Death Grips. These fucking helium vocal samples are getting on my tits. Holy fuck, this song is like 20 minutes long! WHY? I skipped to 07:46, didn’t think proto-gabba could be any more annoying yeah nah fuck this. This is worse than the shit I used to make on the macs at college when I was baked as fuck and I didn’t have any idea how to use Fruityloops.

Lipgloss Twins – Wannabe

Yesssss some bubblegum grime! I like this, it sounds like a glitchy Future Brown…with a drop, which was shit, but better than anything Future Brown can do. That said, I wanna hear Riko Dan go in on this and lose his fucking mind.

Princess Bambi – Less Love More Sex

I like the song title, it reminds of that dream I had where I was able to express myself coherently in real life. There’s something mildly sinister about an artist called Princess Bambi calling for less love more sex, even if more sex is some sort of allegory for people being sexy or something, which I guess is just as sinister… Do people seriously listen to this?

QT – Hey QT

Wow these chipmunk vocals almost make Chip sound palatable, I don’t really care about this song though. I’m a bit burnt out on music that takes influence from top 40 music, even if it is ironic. Up The Monitors is really shit, why are you reading this? Calm down, I’m just being ironic.

Hannah Diamond – Pink And Blue

Everything about this woman is 2013, from her wavey (shit) vocal style to her pink North Face jacket. If Yung Lean is the Brad Pitt of wavey then she’s Angelina Jolie, or maybe Jodie Foster. Anyway, fuck this shit, I’m going back to listening to Three 6 Mafia and being a weirdboy, you guys are all fucking idiots.

Richard Lowe

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